Breaking up with my phone

building boundaries with my phone use

I think we can all agree that the advent of the smart phone has made our lives exponentially easier in many ways. It’s allotted us the opportunity to connect to people, communities, and things on a previously unprecedented scale. With all the benefits and ease that smart phones bring us in our modern era, it also has proven to be a double edge sword. And sometimes feels like it takes as much (or more) than it gives.

I saw a quote the other day that said “take your attention back”

It stopped me in my tracks. If time is our greatest non-renewable resource, attention walks hand in hand with it. What’s scary is that we all have experiences spending hours on our phones doom scrolling, coming away being shocked at how much of our time got sucked into an app. I think of this type phone use as the empty calories of junk food — but for our brains. You can eat a whole bag of potato chips and still feel hungry. Because it lacks substance. It doesn’t satiate us.

We’d know there is a need for change if most of our meals consisted of potato chips. We inherently know that isn’t sustainable and it doesn’t make us feel good nor is it beneficial to our health long term. Yet we don’t always look at our time and attention with the same conscientiousness.

I find so much joy and beauty and connection to be found on places like social media, articles, videos…don’t even get me started on Pinterest!! A long love affair there. But I want to take control of my time and attention and not just expend it wherever, whenever and to whoever is vying for it. It’s been my goal to build healthier boundaries around my phone use. Here are a few tips that have helped me spend less time on mine.

Be aware of your compulsion

There are millions of dollars that have gone into creating a compulsion to grab our phones. Knowing that is empowering because our addiction or pull toward our phones to scroll on social media is not a weakness on our part — it’s completely designed to have that effect. What I’ve found helpful is to develop a sensitivity and awareness around that pull to pick up my phone. I’m by no means perfect at this but when I pick up my phone compulsively, I try to pause. Why am I doing this? Am I bored? Did I even realize I reached for my phone just now? What am I opening it to do? Scroll on Instagram? (My biggest time suck) Simply becoming aware of this compulsion, catches us right before we get pulled into. When I catch myself and I decide I don’t want to actually be spending time on my phone, I set it down.

Replace, don’t just erase

In the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, I learned that it’s not enough to successfully break a bad habit by just not doing something — you have to replace it with a better habit. This is where you can be very intentional about getting back into your real life. Actively engaging in your real life is the best way to combat this habit. It may feel like you have idle hands at first and don’t know what to do. This is the fun part! Take a little time to think about how you’d ideally like to spend your time. This could be 5 minutes to a whole afternoon. Think of things you’d like to do, but maybe don’t “have time” for. It’s helpful to write these things down. So you can refer back to them when you find yourself not knowing what to do without your phone. If you have nothing to replace that activity with, you’ll most likely hop on it anyways. (Now with the added feeling of disappointment in my experience) Here are some examples of things you could do instead of being on your phone mindlessly:

Play with your kids or pets

do a craft

draw

write a letter, card or thank you note to someone

declutter a drawer, closet or space in your home

go outside

garden

go for a walk

engage in a hobby

work out or just move your body

start a new hobby

listen to music

phone a friend (yes, I know it’s using the phone but in an intentional way to connect with someone)

write

check something off your to-do list

read a physical book

clean

complete a home task or chore

dance

do some jumping jacks or push ups

cook something nourishing or bake something delicious just for fun

do a puzzle

practice breathing and noticing your environment

strike up a conversation with someone

play or learn an instrument

play cards

put on a podcast in the background

These are some items on my mental rolodex and I encourage you to write your own list! I’ve found a newly developed love for reading physical books this year. I start and end my day with reading. And that habit started as a way to keep me off my phone at those times of day. I’ve discovered a new found appreciation for low-tech, slow dopamine releasing activities. Basically what we used to do before smart phones. Something I especially love that David and I have been doing is spending our evenings with a fireplace and classic music on our TV while we read. It’s been a delightful part of our routine I now cherish and look forward to!

Remove your phone from your presence

Inevitably, if my phone is with my constantly I will be on it far more often through out the day. Another thing I learned from Atomic Habits is that if you want to break a bad habit, you must create friction to doing it. There is no friction to having your phone right next to you if your goal is to be on it less. Often through out the day, I will intentionally place my phone in a room I am not moving through frequently. Like my bedroom. This is very helpful to do when you’re trying to develop a sensitivity to when you reach for your phone because when you feel that pull, it’ll be more apparent since you have to go physically find your phone to use it. I try to do this when I’m not working actively and in the evenings.

Put time constraints around phone use

I try to batch my admin working time on emails and business related items to chunks of time, so my phone use is purposeful. Another thing you could do is put a timer on your phone when you are on social media or any other platforms that tend to be a time-suck for you. If you start a timer for 15 minutes, don’t continue to scroll once it’s gone off. This is a great tool that puts the power of your time and attention back in your hands. It also gives you real numbers of how much of your time is going towards these apps. You can also schedule your scrolling time so you get to enjoy all the things you love about social media, guilt-free!

This isn’t about depriving ourselves of things we enjoy or that bring us value. The goal is to do them with intention.

I don’t begin or end my day, looking at my phone. I “book-end” my days with reading and reflection. You can create your own rituals or routines based on your preferences and what you’d like to input more of into your life!

I think we all have things we would like to do with our days but feel like we don’t have time for. I’ve discovered that I actually did have more time than I thought, I was just spending it unintentionally. None of us will do this perfectly and perfect isn’t the point. Neither should there be shame in when we find ourselves scrolling mindlessly, even when we are trying not to. The goal is to make tweaks and new habits that are sustainable for us individually so that we can spend more time in our real life.

Are there any things you’ve found helpful in creating boundaries around your phone use?